Mostly scribbles on napkins and soundbites on my phone
My first love, and only true love, has always been writing. Words comfort me. I’ve lost myself countless times to the blank page, the blank screen, and not left until the words danced across the pages in a way that helped me move forward. Somehow, for some reason, I willingly turned away from writing. I closed off my heart, and thus my creativity, and instead of all the crazy versions of me coming out, I became bitter, angry, annoying, boring, and intense in a way that even I struggled to handle. I could still feel the words inside of me, but instead of feeling inspired, all I felt was the pain (anger, irritation, embarrassment, shame, resentment) of starving some essential piece of me.
I was lucky enough to figure out that was completely messed up, and not at all who I am or wanted to be. I’ve worked really fucking hard this past year to live my life very differently. I’m more open – to people, to hurt and disappointment, to vulnerability in all its forms, and now the words and creativity are slowing coming back to me. I’m embracing my intensity, embracing every ding to my self-confidence, every bruise to my ego or my heart, and churning it onto the page. So this blog is an effort to be more open, more vulnerable, and willing to share all the shades of my creativity with anyone interested.
Most of what I’ll post will be rough drafts – the hardest to share typically, but fuck it. This is my life – the only one I got, and I want to live it more consistently with who I really am – a little messed up, a little neurotic, really fucking intense, with lots of scabs I keep picking at, all the while still being a pretty sensitive person too quick to hide from the world.
Given that songs are always running through my head and I am prone to dancing just about any place I am, I will also share the songs that I am listening to as I write as they usually add a lot to what I’m creating/sharing. Any pictures on this blog are my own.
As long as I keep posting – from every shitty draft to the few gems that I can create, I will know that I am moving in the right direction.
*currently listening to First Aid Kit – My Silver Lining; Edward Sharpe – Carries On*