perhaps I wasn’t timely in my confession and now my crazy, my insecurities, all my stupid ugly issues are spilling out all over the place. you don’t really know what to make of the mess now following me like shadows on a sunny day. So i wait for a response, for the slightest bit of reassurance, while chewing off all my fingernails and wondering if everyone around me can see my heartbeat through my t-shirt, because it sure feels like they can if they closely, but I don’t think they see my heart trying to break free from my chest – mainly because they are so used to me pretending I’m all put together nicely, and partly because when anyone does look, when anyone does get curious about how I’m really doing, I don’t know what to even say, because once again I’m waiting for a response, and creating all these issues and stories that are really just made up nonsense so I don’t even want to let the words slip out of me. I just want to clean up this mess of me and fast forward to the times when you’ve responded and I’ve figured out how much of my ugly, crazy, messy shit you can handle

©2017 erin hoffman – all rights reserved

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