when we were little the entire outdoors was our territory. we would leave in the mornings, the last bites of our oatmeal or cereal still making its way into our mouths as we ran out the back doors to find each other. Our moms were best friends so of course we were destined to be best-friends-forever. We planned our perfect weddings, the lace curtains in your mom’s house our makeshift veils… and at night, when we were supposed to be asleep soundly and obediently, we giggled about the crushes we only revealed to each other. we had everything destined and decided, and I – for some reason- was naive enough to think we’d keep those promises, to believe in the universe enough that all those dreams and the weddings we envisioned would surely come true. in the world we created and lived in for so many years, there was no such thing as overdosing, no such thing as razors pushed into hips and thighs on purpose… so I had no idea I would end up in the world without you, end up on my wedding day without my best-friend-forever walking ahead of me as I walked to the man we both agreed upon was good enough for me. I had no idea that instead of writing speeches for each others’ weddings, I’d be suffocating on tears and phlegm as your eulogy left my mouth…


©2017 erin hoffman – all rights reserved

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